The Red Burgundy Cross
A few fun TV campaigns pitched to promote blood donations
Creator, writer, Ron Burgundy cosplayer
With donations down, awareness drives for the Red Cross were in need of some new blood.
So we hired Ron Burgundy as our spokesperson and he quickly went to work.
Ron rebranded the organization to The Burgundy Cross.
And put his charm and salon-quality hair to work in a series of PSAs dispelling myths that stop people from donating blood.
PIERCINGS AND TATTOOS
OPEN ON RON BURGUNDY AT A RED CROSS BLOOD DONATION CENTER. HE’S IN THE PROCESS OF TAKING OFF HIS BURGUNDY SUIT JACKET AND SHIRT.
RON: Newsflash America, we’re running low on blood. And if you’re like me, you’re probably thinking, boy do I look good.
You may also be thinking, (mocking, whiny voice) “I can’t donate because I have tattoos and piercings.”
Well can it! OK! Because you can!
RON SHOWS OFF A DIAMOND STUDDED EARRING IN THE SHAPE OF A CHANDELIER.
RON: I donated and I'm a regular Pierced Brosnan. Got this blingdelier last week.
RON TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT TO REVEAL HIS BODY IS COVERED IN TATTOOS. HE TAKES THE VIEWER ON A TOUR OF HIS FAVORITE TATS.
RON: As far as tats, I’ve got more ink in me than Moby Dick.
RON POINTS TO A NUMBER OF WOMEN’S NAMES.
RON: These are dedicated to the many, many, maaaaaaaaany loves of my life.
RON POINTS TO A PICTURE OF A DOG ON THE INSIDE OF HIS ARM AND STARTS TO TEAR UP.
RON: This is in memory of Baxter.
RON STARTS TALKING TO BAXTER.
RON: What's that, Baxter? You want to do a little dance for the people?
RON MOVES HIS FINGERS TO MAKE THE BAXTER TATTOO “DANCE.”
RON TURNS AROUND TO REVEAL A MASSIVE TATTOO ON HIS BACK.
RON: …And now my magnum opus, my Sistine chapel. I got Ben Affleck’s tat guy to do it. Hurt like the frickin Dickens, though.
SUPERS AND LOGO APPEAR AS RON IS BLURRED IN BACKGROUND.
SUPER: Tattoos and piercings welcome.
Donate today.
[Red cross logo]
1 PINT
OPEN ON RON BURGUNDY AT A RED CROSS BLOOD DONATION CENTER. HE’S SLOUCHED IN A DONATION CHAIR. HIS FACE AND EXPOSED BODY ARE GHOSTLY WHITE.
RON IS TALKING BUT IS TOO WEAK TO LOOK AT THE CAMERA. HE’S STARING OFF INTO SPACE.
RON: (whisper) Newsflash America, we’re running low on blood. *Moans* You can donate up to 6 times a year. *Moan*
But, like Sisyphus, I flew too close to the sun.
There I was, ready to jet set to my island timeshare in Mallorca for a little sun, siesta, and señoritas. I thought, why not get all my donations done in one go. That was a big no no. *Moans*
The orderlies, they tried to stop me, but I jiu-jitsu’d them away. It wasn't until a few American Legions showed up that they were able to pry me from the pump.
*Moans* I’m so parched. Specifically for blood. Blood parched. Craft services! Get me a steak, bloody rare. And a side of creamed spinach!
SUPERS AND LOGO APPEAR AS RON IS BLURRED IN BACKGROUND.
SUPER: Don’t worry, you can only give 1 pint. Never more.
Donate today.
[RED CROSS LOGO]